This is a testimony of God's mercies and goodness to me in my endeavour to understand and manage bipolar disorder or manic-depressive illness (a medical condition that can be treated) and other challenges in my life, by God's grace. Thank God that we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us! (Romans 8:37)
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Looking through our prisons
There are different kinds of prison in this world. When I was diagnosed with proneness to bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness), it was a relief to me because it helps me to understand my confusing past. With medical helps, counselling and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, regular exercise, Omega 3 fish oil, managing stress level, et etc my condition is under control now and I am able to live a more productive life.
But my diagnosis last year did at one point of time throw me into despair. When I knew that bipolar disorder is a lifelong condition and that it is cyclical in nature, which means it will recur, I was very discouraged. Every prolonged and severe depressive episode is very unbearable and painful beyond words. The nature of severe depressive episodes is such that our brain can become so malfunctioning and can't receive/send the appropriate messages which cause our thoughts or feelings to be either blank, flat or distorted. Depression robs away all joy and hope, and makes living itself very difficult. I am often tempted with suicidal thoughts during severe depression episodes and I often pray that the Lord will take me home. The inability to enjoy my family, church, friends, work and even God Himself (as my brain simply can't function), makes life very meaningless. The hopeless I faced each day is beyond words description. Day in day out, night in nigh out, every hour, facing such hopelessness and helplessness is like living in hell. Oh, how the Lord preserved me! I cannot imagine how I could have survived those distressing episodes without God's mercies and preservation. Though I couldn't feel God's presence with me at times due to the chemical imbalance in my brain, God is still with me to sustain and deliver me.
When I knew that bipolar is a lifelong condition, I was at first very discouraged. I felt as if I have been given a lifetime imprisonment sentence in which there will be no release from this prison. It is worst then a death sentence. A death sentence will end all pain and misery once and for all. But to be imprison in a brain that can malfunction at any point of time and be thrown into severe depression episodes over and over again, is both scary and distressing. How my heart sank when I thought of that. But thank God that He will never allow us to be tempted or tried more than we can bear. I found comfort in God's Words and His love, mercies and faithfulness. I realized that no matter what God allows me to go through, He will be with me in it and His grace will be sufficient for me. He promised that He is working all things for His glory and for my good. And He will never leave me nor forsake me. He makes no mistake! If He allows me to have bipolar disorder, He knows that it will be cyclical. He does not delight in my sufferings. But yet He allows it for a good purpose and I can trust in His love and sovereignty.
I prayed much for grace to submit to God's will, to trust in Him and His mercies, and to live for Him despite my condition. Bipolar disorder does not define me nor my life. It is merely an illness just like diabetes, hypertension and asthma. People with these illness can live a life close to normal despite their limitations. So with medical and other help, people with bipolar, depression and other poor mental health illness can also live a life that is close to normal and be useful and productive.
There are different kind of freedom. I realized then that I still have the freedom to make choices. Would I smile when I see my family, church and friends or would I weep? Would I rail against God in bitterness or would I ask Him to strengthen my faith and give me grace to live for Him despite my condition? Would I allow my condition to rule and ruin my life, or would I seek to find and apply whatever help that is available and within my means to make use of? Would I allow my life to waste away in despair and hopelessnes, or would I look to God for strength to be useful and helpful to others by giving them hope in their own sufferings? In other words, what would I do with the free will that was still mine?
I decided to live as fully as I could, as the Lord enables me, to look for ways to transcend my physical and mental limitations by making use of my available mental capacities and expanding its use to help others. I could choose to be a role model to others who suffer in various ways, or I could wither and die, emotionally as well as physically and mentally.
There are many kinds of freedom. When we lose one kind, we must look for another. We can look at our illness and our limitations, or we can look through them. I thank God that He is strengthening me day by day and giving me the grace to trust in Him, to look beyond my condition to see His love and faithfulness, and to make use of whatever helps He has provided for me to help others too.
I thank God for the joy of developing this blog which is not only therapeutic to myself as I journal my thoughts and feelings. It also has been helping others who are suffering from depression and bipolar. I thank God that I can share His goodness and mercies, for it is only when we view our pains and sufferings in the light of the sovereignty and love of God, that we can find hope and help in our prisons. In God is our freedom and liberality. One day we shall leave our earthly prison to go to a far away land where the roads are made of gold, there are many mansions for us to live in, there will be no more pains and sorrows, and we shall enjoy our Lord Jesus Christ's love for all eternity. Maybe then we can understand a little better the path He has chosen for us. It shall redown to His glory and we shall be awed by His love and faithfulness, through all the changing scenes of life. What a mercy! And what a comfort! It is these thoughts and knowledge that gives me the courage to face each day joyfully in the Lord, looking unto Him alone who is the Author and Finisher of our faith. He who laid down His life for me, loves and cares for me daily. Praise Him.
My friend, HH Sau, took this lovely photo at Combodia.
"For thou wilt light my candle: the LORD my God will enlighten my darkness." Psalm 18:26
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
My Therapeutic Hobby - Making Bookmarks
Thank God for the joy of photography. I started to discover the beauties of God's creations in many wonderful ways recently when I started brisk walking. I enjoy my walks as I get to see many beautiful flowers, plants, birds and children :-)
When I started photography, I was thrilled at the advance technology of digital cameras that enables me to capture some of these beauties in God's creations and also precious moments with loved ones and friends. Thank God for this new hobby that is very therapeutic.
As I enjoyed making crafts and gifts for my friends, I used my photos and photos taken by my brother and friends, to make some bookmarks. Check out my Homemade Bookmarks Blog to download Free Bookmarks Templates and instructions on how to make simple bookmarks. Besides making bookmarks, I also enjoyed cross-stitch, making simple calendars and origami. Check out my Homemade Crafts and Gifts if you are also interested in making these crafts and gifts.
Making these crafts and gifts give me great joy and satisfaction. Thank God for the joy of sharing these gifts with my friends, and the joy of serving Him in this way.
I took these photo of the Orchid flower at Sentosa Flower exhibition at Sentosa Island, Singapore.
This flower’s actual name is Vanda Miss Joaquim. It was said to be first discovered in the garden of Miss Agnes Joaquim in Singapore in 1893. On 15 April 1981, this flower was chosen as the national flower of Singapore. Singapore has the distinction of being the only nation to have a hybrid as its national flower and whose distribution was confined to Singapore’s boundaries. This beautiful and enduring flower continues to show forth Singapore’s continual strive for progress and excellence in all aspects of life.
The official Chinese name for this flower is 卓锦万黛兰 (pinyin: zhuójǐn wàndàilán) meaning Orchid of Long-Lasting Excellence.
耶稣基督,昨日、今日、一直到永远 是一样的。希伯来书 13:8
If you are interested to make these Orchid Flower Chinese Bookmark for yourself or your friends, you can download these MicroSoft Word templates and make the necessary changes. I have 4 bookmarks in the template with different Bible verses.
Download Free Template : free-chinese-bookmarks-template-orchid.doc
You may wish to also check out my post on some simple instructions on how to make bookmarks.
These bookmarks are with English wordings and Bible verses. I have 4 bookmarks in the template and you can customized it to put your name or your friend’s name, if you wish to.
Download Free Template : bookmark-template-for-orchid.doc
You may wish to also check out my post on some simple instructions on how to make bookmarks.
Happy making your own bookmarks :-)
Free Calendars 2010 and Free Planners 2010 Resources:- Calendar 2010 Design1
- Calendar 2010 Design2
- Calendar 2010 Design3
- Calendar 2010 with Singapore Public Holidays 1
- Calendar 2010 with Singapore Public Holidays 2
- Planner 2010 Design B
- Christian Calendar 2010 with Bible verses 1
- Christian Calendar 2010 with Singapore Public Holidays 1
- Christian Planner 2010
Free Bookmarks Resources:
- A Special Birthday Prayer for You
- All the best to you
- Animals
- Children - This book belongs to
- Chinese Bible verses
- Christian bookmarks with Bible verses
- Flowers
- Friendship
- Happy Birthday
- Happy Children's Day
- Happy Mother's Day
- Inspirational or encouraging quotes
- Prayer of St. Francis
- Sceneries
- Swan
- The Cross in My Pocket
- When there seems no way out, let God in
- With God all things are possible
- You are never alone
- Your Friendship is a blessing
Free Cards Resources:
- A Special Birthday Prayer for You
- Animals
- Birthday Card pop up
- Christian cards with Bible verses
- Don't Quit
- Encouraging Friendship Quotes1
- Encouraging quote on Love
- Encouraging Quotes1
- Flowers
- Get Well Soon!
- God holds my tomorrow
- Happy Birthday
- How to Make a Kirigami Dancing Crane Pop-up Card
- How to Make a Pop-Up Heart Card
- Prayer of St. Francis
- With God all things are possible
- Your Friendship is a Blessing
Free Handicrafts Resources : Free Cross-stitch
- How to sew a pink heart cross stitch
- About cross stitch and cross stitching
- Creative Needlecraft Cross Stitching
- Cross stitch of Yarn Tree
- Different ways of doing cross stitch
- Free cross stitch pattern : Pink Heart
- French Knot
- How to Choose a Cross Stitch Pattern
- How to Design a Cross Stitch Pattern
- How to Do Back Stitches in Cross Stitching
- How to Do Basic Cross Stitches
- How to Do French Knots in Cross Stitching
- How to Frame a Cross Stitch Pattern
- How to Personalize Your Cross Stitching Pattern
- How to Prepare Cloth for Cross Stitching
- Learn simple Cross Stitch In 5 Minutes
- Little Bear cross-stitch
- Supplies for Cross Stitching
- Types of Cross Stitch Patterns
Free Sewing Resources : Knitting
- Basics on how to knit
- How to Knit a Scarf : How to Add Fringe to a Scarf
- How to Knit a Scarf : How to Cast Off
- How to knit a scarf : How to Change to a Different Color when Knitting
- How to Knit a Scarf : How to Do the Basket Weave
- How to Knit a Scarf : How to Do the Knit Stitch
- How to Knit a Scarf : How to Do the Purl Stitch
- How to Knit a Scarf : How to Do the Rib Stitch
- How to Knit a Scarf : How to Pick Up Dropped Stitches
- Variations in Stitches
Free Origami Resources:
- Airplane
- Boat
- Box
- Bunny
- Camel
- Cup
- Dragonfly
- Fish
- Flowers Daffodil
- Flowers Pink
- Hummingbird
- Jumping Frog
- Parrot
- Penguin
- Pigeon
- Roadrunner
- Rose
- Shark
- Squirrel
- Sungflower
- Swan
- Zebra
Free Arts and Crafts for Kids Resources:
- How to make a Catepillar
- How to make a clock
- How to make a duck
- How to make a Kirigami Hummingbird
- How to make a Peacock
- How to make an Octopus
- How to make turtle
Nice Piano Instrumental Music Resources:
- Relaxing music
- A como amor
- Aline
- Ballade Pour Adeline
- Chinese Garden
- Concerto pour un jeune fille nommee
- Couleur Tendresse
- Dolannes Melody
- Dream Wedding
- Fur Elise
- Give a little to your love
- La Tendresse
- lara's theme
- Les derniers jours d´Anastacia kemsky
- Lettre à ma mère
- Love song in winter
- Mariage D'amour
- Piano Concerto No. 1
- Romeo and Juliet
- Tema de Amor
- Triste Coeur
- Unchained melody