"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
I carried this verse with me this morning when I went to work as I sense my own weaknesses and tiredness, and it brought much comfort and encouragement to me to see God's faithfulness in fulfilling it again today.
Today I was very tired as I could not sleep much last night. Yesterday was a very eventful and reflective day for me and long past my sleeping time, I still couldn't sleep. I did the Mandarin Bulletin for the elderly people in my church. As I couldn't sleep, I spent some time to reply some emails and work on my blog. It was almost midnight when I finally was able to sleep. I was up very early this morning and couldn't sleep again after that. So in total, I only managed to get 5 hours of sleep when I usually will have about 8 hours. As this is my fourth day at work, I was also beginning to feel the physical strain. But I am learning to commit each day to God and to cling unto His precious promises.
Thank God for His mercies and faithfulness! Today, 2 of my colleagues were away and so my another colleague and me had a very quiet day where we were able to concentrate and do more work. Usually when the rest are around, there would be a lot of discussion going around and I tend to be much distracted and have to read and read my assignments before I can understand and code it.
My colleague and I also split the work among the 2 of us. Which means instead of just focusing on my most difficult assignment, I was able to do another assignment which is less difficult. So in a way, my work was mentally less demanding today! And so I survive today, by the grace of God! Thank God.
As I am still learning to manage my condition, having to adapt to a new job, new environment, new schedule, etc etc is indeed a great challenge. There is always the uncertainty and the fear that something might happen to trigger my mood swings. I am still learning to be more aware, to recognize early symptoms of mania or depression, and how best to prevent a relapse or worsening symptoms. So I am very thankful to God for His faithfulness in sustaining me daily. I am learning to be more reflective and to recount God's goodness and mercies to me through this blog which is also my Journal. I hope I will always remember God's goodness and mercies to me, no matter what I may go through in future. I hope He will enable me to learn from past mistakes and to know how best I can live for His glory and be useful to the society.
Going through another day without much mood swing, and able to function properly, is such an accomplishment to me. To be able to work again and serve God, and contribute to the society, and to provide for myself and family, is such a joy to me. To many people who go to work daily or who have no problem with mood disorder, it may just be another day for them. But for me, it is another day, to be thankful for.
One more day tomorrow (Friday), and I look forward to some rest and break on Saturday, and to worship and fellowship on Sunday :-)