Thank you very much for your kind reply and encouragement. Thank you very much for your prayer support. Thank God that these few days I am able to cope better. Work front is quieter and so I was enabled by the Lord to clear some backlogs at work. I am also able to sleep slightly longer on some nights though my sleep is still interrupted. Sometimes I tried not to get out of bed when I wake up in the middle of the night. So at times I managed to drift into sleep again after much tossing and prayers. Thank God! I do still feel very tired but can sense myself wonderfully uphold! Thank God for His mercies and faithfulness! Surely this is no least owing to yours and other brethren’s prayers to God for me! Thanks!
Please continue to pray with me, dear sister. I have missed worship and fellowship last Lord’s day. How I long to be found in the house of God again to worship Him and fellowship! Do pray with me that God willing, He will continue to strengthen me and enable me to join all of you in worship this Lord’s day, to partake of the Lord’s Supper and to fellowship a little. As the Lord helps us to prepare our heart to come before His table this Lord’s day, may we be reminded afresh of His great love for us.
No greater love has our Lord demonstrated than by laying down His life for us. He continues to preserve us and provide for our every need as we seek and serve Him in this pilgrim journey. One day when our duties are done, He shall usher us into His presence to enjoy sweet communion with Him and all His beloved children for all eternity. Meanwhile, let us press on in His strength daily and live for His glory. I am reminded of what Pastor exhorted us at the beginning of this year from Philippians 3:13-14 “Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.”
I am still trying to understand the many precious lessons our Lord is teaching me through these difficult trials in my life. I know that He in His faithfulness has afflicted me (Psalm 119:75). He is sanctifying me through these difficult experiences and drawing me to know more of His saving grace and faithfulness. I may not always understand His dealings with me but I have no doubt at all of His love for me. I am reminded of some of the encouraging words from some poems quoted in a small booklet written by Rev John J Murray, “Behind a Frowning Providence”:
Not till the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Shall God unroll the canvas
And explain the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful
In the weaver’s skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern he has planned.
God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform;
He plants His footsteps n the sea,
And rides upon the storm.
Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never-failing skill
He treasures up His bright designs
And works His sovereign will.
Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy, and shall break
In blessings on your head.
His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower.
Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust in His grace,
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.
For me, personally, this turned out to be a very significant event in my life and God in His faithfulness is working it out for my good (Romans 8:28). I can sense myself growing in many different ways and experiencing the joy and peace of the Lord in many wonderful ways. I have now begun on a new journey, by God’s grace. The counseling, in particular, is being used by our Lord to change my perspective of many things in life and indirectly it is changing me. It is actually a process of self-discovery, and of knowing God, self and others better. I am thankful to God for hearing my prayers and provided someone who is very gentle, caring, sympathetic and encouraging to be my counselor. She always sees something positive and encouraging that God is doing in all my difficult trials. She constantly seeks to help me to see the many mysterious outworking of our faithful God, Who loves us dearly and gave His Son for us, in the various paths I have gone through in the past or are going through now. I will be 41 this October but I found to my surprise that I have been wondering in the wilderness for the last 40 years! And now, by the mercies of God, I am finally coming out of the wilderness and entering into the land of Canaan! You see, she is helping me to discover some faulty patterns in my thoughts and feelings which have affected my life and various relationships for so many years. They are not just occasional thoughts but deep-seated patterns! No wonder I am often overcome by them as I am not conscious of them. I am surprised to discover these truths and felt as if I am just getting to know myself! She is now slowly helping me to recognise these faulty thought patterns, and change these faulty ways of thinking to more biblical ways, by God’s grace. And these are beginning to have such tremendous effects on my life, my relationship with God and others around me. I am thankful to God for providing such a help in her and her willingness to walk through this difficult journey with me. By God’s grace, each session yields some positive outcome. Accumulatively, these new discoveries of self and God’s mercies in them, is beginning to change my life in many wonderful ways. I wish I could share more of the details with you but I think I will have to write a book in order to do so and I am just in Chapter One! I know the process may be a long and tedious one and I need much patience and perseverance to go on slowly. But it will be a journey worth taking… and I am looking forward to each session with her because I get to know myself better each time, can see more clearer God’s love, mercies and faithfulness and am enabled to improve in my relationships with various people, and also learning to improve in managing the various challenges in my life. Thank God for His mercies and faithfulness!
Hope I didn’t weary you with this long email again! I found it therapeutic to be able to verbalise how I feel or what I think and share with some friends and brethren. Thanks for making time to read and write. Thanks for your prayers, fellowship and encouragements. They are deeply appreciated and may our Lord bless you for your kindness to me.
Please take care. May you continue to know the love and faithfulness of God daily as you press on in your various callings. Do know that I continue to remember you and family in my prayers.
In the Lord’s mercies,
Some replies from my friends and brethren-in-Christ whom I shall keep anonymous unless they give me permission to put their names on this webpage:
Thank you for writing. I enjoy reading your updates, though I am not always able to reply in a manner befitting the effort you have put in to writing them.
It is very good to read of your journey of self-discovery. You do write very well, so perhaps while your discovery is still fresh, you may want to write it down. Chapter 1 is in the making, maybe soon you will have chapter 2 and 3 etc. Perhaps this could be also one of the good that will come out of this affliction the Lord has apportioned for you.
God works in mysterious ways. But by his providence, He makes us understand little by little something of ourselves and something about Him. “The paths of the just is as a shining light that shineth more and more unto the perfect day” (Prov 4:18).
May you know the blessing of the Lord that you be a blessing to other.
Yours with warm regards in the Lord
Please do not worry about writing long emails. Please feel free to do so if it helps you as you said. We be glad to be your listener or readers so that to help us understand your thoughts much better.
Recently I have been much blessed by hearing mp3 sermons from this site. I like to recommend it to you in case you are not aware. Perhaps you will also find some sermons that can encourage your spirit.
We’ll continue to pray with you and please take care and we look fwd to meet with you as God wills.
By God’s grace,